I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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