i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
