there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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