Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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