why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
