so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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