So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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