you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
