I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
