No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
