girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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