Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
