my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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