should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
