they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
