Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
