So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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