Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
