Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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