hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
