my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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