2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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