Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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