It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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