i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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