I am puke
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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