so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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