this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
