should my penis look like a turkey
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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