she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Enjoy the penises
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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