Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
