i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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