But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
