Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
