OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
