420 ftw
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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