She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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