you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
