Quick, to the slutcave!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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