Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize