I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I could fuck to npr.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
