she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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