Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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