I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
