officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
