That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
