try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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