apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
