you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you will always have a special place in my vag
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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