you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
