all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
