Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
