man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
