i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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