So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
