come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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