I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
