Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
