brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she smelled like a LAN party
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
