I should be sponsored by Trojan
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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