Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
