Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize