Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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