Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my phone needs a breathalizer
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
