i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
