i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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