If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
