I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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