No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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