I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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