No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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