Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I should be sponsored by Trojan
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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