I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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