Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
