oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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