You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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