The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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