Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
